Friendships

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

                               When you get what you want, but not what you need
                                     When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
                                                       Stuck in reverse
                                  And the tears come streaming down your face
                                   When you lose something you can't replace
                                 When you love someone, but it goes to waste
                                                     Could it be worse?

finally went out today, omfg. lucky mel is in indonesia, so went to watch movie and play pool.. and now i'm back home skyping with jae and szemin and they keep make me angry with nexchill..... grr.... okcan!!

Friendships always end don't they? one way or another, things will change, this is life isn't it?  there's nothing much we can do about it, you know yourself that everyone will drift, on off or just be strangers once again. you think i want it to be like this for every friendship that i love and treasure? No. but honestly, i have so many people walked in and out of my life, that i never expect people to stay longer anymore, when i get a good friend, i don't expect it to last forever because honestly there is no such thing, and just because i think this way and i'm used to it, doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt honestly. It does, especially to those who i really treat as a good friend. And there are only VERY FEW people that i treat like that. but for that few people, you don't know how much they mean to me. you really don't know.


Qjt: i don't know honestly what's our problem also, you think you never hurt me? you think i only hurt you? i don't know why we both have to keep arguing over and over again and be back very close again. it's tiring for the both of us. and you know why we always argue? MISUNDERSTANDING, because we always become paranoid over the smallest things. you know how much you mean to me, and honestly those feelings i have for you as a sister will never change. i can tell you one thing la, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON, WHO I AM NOT ALWAYS CLOSE TO NOW THAT I STILL LOVE AND CARE ABOUT. believe or not, those sisters or friends that i'm not close to now, i let go, and i don't care. but you, i don't know why. even though we are not best friends anymore, even though we don't go out everyday anymore, even though we never have sleepovers anymore, i still do love you so much. i hate seeing you hurt, i hate seeing you always so sad. i know you care for and love for me too. when i'm sad these few months, the first person i will call is you and tell you, and you'll care for me, send me long texts after our conversation to just tell me to cheer up. you think i don't appreciate? you think i don't remember? just because i don't show it does't mean i forget. every time i say you don't put effort and i'm always saying that i'm always the first one who talk, is not to hurt you, you know? i'm just saying.. and when i randomly tweet about our friendship. i don't know why your hurt? when it's suppose to be me who is sad. you want know why i randomly say all those things, cause most probably your on my timeline at that time, and then i will start to think, i will start to miss our friendship, that's why i write all those. i don't know why i care for you so much seriously. i never care for any sister of mine for so long like you. i ALWAYS think back, 3 years we know each other, we went through SO MUCH. we both know can already. but still we manage to care for each other until now. it shows how much we care for each other doesn't it? those things you give me and would always save money for me, even though you don't have enough money for yourself, those times you stay at my house and we always say we'll do mask together but every time fail cause you'll be using the computer till late and i'll fall asleep, those times we argue cause i always scold you last time for have such a bad attitude, but you changed, i know. WHEN WE WERE FUCKING DRUNK AND WE CRIED IN THE ROOM TOGETHER ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. our h2h talks, our hugs and kisses, EVERYTHING. the first time we knew each other on randolph's bbq. we have so many BAD and GOOD memories together, but you know what? even those memories when we fight or what, it's still so fucking memorable to me, and it will always be in my heart. I WILL REMEMBER. so please, can we just stop being so paranoid and stuff. yes we hang out with different people already for so long, we aren' best friends already. i know. but i still care for you so fucking much more than other people. don't doubt me ok? it fucking hurts. for what we hurt each other? when it's only misunderstanding? i know you put me first a lot of times, i really feel happy you know? when i'm back for holiday or what, i WILL meet you. I'M NOT TO BUSY TO MEET YOU. yes, we really need to talk things out. i'll come back soon ok? i love you sister. although things can never be the same, that's the cruel fact. but we can be closer, see you soon :,) sorry this is such a long post, just feel like ranting..